Poetry at King's: Undone

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I stand before you representing those
Who counted it worth the cost and chose
To pursue letters after my name.
I’m one of thousands who owe thousands in student debt
But considered it a price worth paying
To officially be classed as relatively brainy.

But feeling smart unravelled for me,
When I realised the Christianity,
I’d teamed with being an academic
Was littered with contradictions.

I was undone,
Unable to make sense
Of a gospel which sat me on the fence
Between carrying crosses
And laying them down.

‘To live is Christ but to die is gain’.
I read these lines again and again
And was pulled apart at the seams.

The words seemed to mean
I couldn’t be
Free and easy,
Bright and breezy

Rather, to follow Christ
I’d have to take up my cross
And then toil and strive
To be, as Christ says in Matthew five:
‘perfect as my father in heaven is perfect.’

It’s a harsh reality
For one whose identity
Was founded in thinking a life with Christ
Meant a yoke easy and a burden light.

And then I learnt something truly priceless.
Maybe I wasn’t in spiritual crisis?

Perhaps I was on the edge of understanding the cross
Through seeing its truth as a paradox.

Perhaps there is a role I have to play
In accepting Christ has made the way
And that my life, my choices and my every day matter
And don’t matter
In the light of the cross.

That wonderful cross
Where sorrow and love flow mingled down
To me
A dim wit academic
Whose system of logic is freshly undone
By the life changing truth of the revelation
That we are on the precipice of love and mercy. 

And that from that place we strive to honour him, 
Who has covered the cost
So that we might begin
To know how we are loved
And who we are loved by
And in turn to turn and love the lost.

And the weight of that knowledge,
To quote The Bard,
Is a heavy lightness
It’s easy and hard
But when we truly grasp it
We will not only be undone,
We will be remade and put back together and truly complete
In a way we just couldn’t have comprehended before.